Howardism Musings from my Awakening Dementia
My collected thoughts flamed by hubris
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Each night, my daughter asks me to tell her a story. She often starts the story giving me the characters and some of the plot, but I have to do the rest. Some of these stories are interesting enough for me to drop up here.


The story is similar to the Flanders and Swan song, "The Warthog". It's one of my favorites. Except it's a warthog, and not a pig. And she dresses up in a pink dress to try to look pretty. And I guess the end is different too. Hmmm. Okay. I guess it's not that similar after all. But still, you should look it up unless you already are familiar with the collection.


Pig Makes New Friends

Once upon a time, in a forest far away, there lived a pig who was painfully shy, and because of this affliction, the pig had no friends. Oh how he wished to not be so shy, but he was somewhat embarrassed at being a pig.

"What a bore it must be to be me," he often said to himself as he looked for food at the edge of the woods.

He was quite sure that if he could somehow be stronger, smarter, or better-looking, then he would have the confidence to make some new friends… and then, he wouldn't be so lonely.

So he thought his luck had changed (for better or worse) when he was sniffing through the forest floor looking for truffles, when a fairy showed up.

"What are you doing, pig?!" he screamed.

"Ah… I… I was… uhm, just… uhm… looking for… uhm… truffles," the pig finally managed to stutter out. Did I mention that his speaking problem didn't help his shyness issue?

"You almost busted my house! You really should be more careful," replied the fairy.

"I… I'm… uhm, so … sorry," apologized the pig, looking straight down at the ground because he was so shy. Then he had an idea, and finally managed to say, "If… uhm… you're mad and… uhm… want to turn me into something… uhm, will you… I mean, you could… uhm… please make me smarter, stronger, or perhaps better looking."

The fairy just laughed, "What do you take me for, a witch? I don't bother with such stuff. Besides, you just might be stronger, smarter and better looking than you think you are. Now shove off and look for mushrooms somewhere else."

And so the pig did.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest lived a dragon who was terribly lonely on account of his fierce and scary appearance. Now, he was a rather small dragon as far as dragons go, but no one went near him due to the large teeth and claws and bad reputation that others of his kind instill in the hearts of cute woodland animals.

Needless to say, this dragon desperately wanted some friends. But every time he tried, the other animals would just run away.

He thought to himself, "Maybe the creatures on the other side of the forest wouldn't be so scared of me." And the first thing he met after crossing the woods was our shy pig.

"Ah, hello there, Mr. Pig," said the dragon his most friendly, and only slightly husky voice.

The pig, hearing someone approach, immediately looked down at the ground, and didn't know that it was a dragon who spoke to him, "Ah… uhm… ah… hello," the pig finally managed to reply.

"Would you like to play some ball?" asked the dragon.

"Ah… uhm… yeah, that would…" the pig didn't really finish his sentence, as the dragon, giddy with joy, threw him the ball he was carrying. The pig, still not looking up, noticed the ball bounce past him, he found it, and threw it back… kinda.

The dragon, thinking the pig had a neck problem, didn't want to hurt his feelings and started to roll the ball to the pig. After a little while, the pig did finally look up and was amazed that such a big, strong dragon would want to play with him. Then he remembered the fairy's words, and said to himself, "Perhaps I am stronger than I thought I was."

And that is the story of how the pig and the dragon became good friends…

But our story isn't quite finished, for there was another lonely creature in the forest. A beautiful unicorn with bright orange fur and a long pink mane, and was so beautiful, that all the other animals of the forest thought themselves too ugly and inferior to play or talk to such a beautiful creature. "Besides, she probably has lots of other friends," they often thought to themselves.

Now the pig still high from his friendship with the dragon, felt confident enough to look for a new friend when there came a day when the dragon was sick, and couldn't come over and play. When he crossed the woods and ran into the unicorn, he really only noticed the tear drops from her eyes, for his shyness had returned and he stared at the ground when he spoke.

"Uhm… why… I mean… how are… uhm… why are… you crying?" he finally managed to ask the unicorn.

"I'm just lonely and was wanting a friend," the unicorn replied. Because she was crying and her eyes were full of water, she didn't really notice that he was a pig, but just thought he was a pretty pink creature of the forest.

"Uhm… ah… would you… like to… uhm… play ball with… me?" the pig asked. The unicorn was delighted, that she didn't even mind it when she finally realized that she was playing ball with a pig.

The pig was amazed, however, when he finally looked up, to see that he was playing ball with the most beautiful creature of the forest. Then he remembered the fairy's words again. "Maybe I'm better looking than I thought," he mused to himself.

He played with the unicorn for several days afterwards until the dragon was finally better. The pig couldn't wait to tell the dragon the good news about his new friend.

"Do you think that maybe, I could be the unicorn's friend too?" asked the dragon. The pig didn't see why not, but the dragon told the pig of his plight and how all the other creatures of the forest ran in hid every time he came over.

Then the pig had an idea, and worked most of the day and made the dragon some pink rabbit ears. "Here, put these on," he said to the dragon when they were finished. "The unicorn couldn't be scared of you if you're as harmless as a bunny." And with that, they started across the forest to where the unicorn lived.

The unicorn was quite excited when she saw her friend the pig, but was shocked to see the large dragon with the long teeth, the sharp claws and the pink bunny ears. The dragon looked so ridiculous, that the unicorn started laughing at such a sight, and didn't run away.

And so, after some introductions, and the removal of the silly bunny ears, the three started playing ball. It was then that the pig remembered the fairy's words again, and thought to himself, "I guess I am smart too."

And the pig didn't have a speech problem after that either.

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