Howardism: My Second Life

My Second Life

Hi. My name is Howard, and I may develop a problem. I've been dabbling in Second Life for a couple of weeks, but I assure you, I haven't inhaled or drank the kool-aide, and I have not, I repeat, have not acquired a baby unicorn through the act of unlawful sexual relations with a well-endowed, adult unicorn.

I guess my story is pretty typical. I heard Ira Flatow interview (on Science Friday) some psychologists about the self identification with avatars and other intriguing issues surrounding Second Life, and I must admit, I was intrigued. Oh sure, I had heard about this phenomenon, and certainly could relate, on account of me being an old MUDder myself.†† MUD was the original Second Life games, but without the graphics. You built the world and the game by describing things in text. But with the demise of the American attention span, MUDs were soon abandoned along with all of our books

So, I installed the client, created my avatar and logged in. The first thing is to play around and figure out the interface and "twink" your character. You can specify how sunken your eyes are and whether your ear lobes are attached or dangling. Interesting.

Still, if a virtual anvil was to land on his animated head, I'm pretty sure I would just laugh. I don't identify with it that much. I mean, that avatar is hot. Ahem. Anyway…

Next it was time to explore the world. Unlike most online games of this nature, the world was created by a bunch of paid geeks… no, this world is created by the players. First stop was to go to the place where "Science Friday" is performed at the "Science Museum", but I made a wrong turn and ended up in the "Star Trek Science Museum". What an amazing museum. Touching things gave you a "card" with information about it, but lots of things were actually interactive and at one point, I ended up with a tricorder.

The next few hours were spent flying, teleporting and walking around some labors of love. Not only was the Dali-esque nature of free-form creation absorbing, but I'm a geek by nature, and spent my under-graduate work in 3D computer graphics, so I wanted to see how they "work the engine".

Land, is to be walked on, but objects have a default ability of allowing you to sit on them, at which point, you can circle the camera around and take a picture of you perched on top of a skyscraper. But the "object" can override the "sit" function to allow a chaise lounge chair the ability to have you "stretch out" when you sit.

Well, it didn't take long for people to create objects like a water slide that hurls your avatar into a pond of water, or pink and blue balls that get you to dance a tango.

Of course, it takes two to tango, and I found my self, late at night, at a nightclub. On the dancefloor, I watched the avatars shake their virtual booties, and off the dancefloor, others watched. I wanted to get a better look at the "gesture scripting language" by having my avatar dance… but this isn't Leisure Suit Larry. These avatars are controlled by sweaty, farty people in meat-space.

So I struck up a conversation with a diamond-encrusted women with gravity-defying breasts. I started with the "Hi" gesture, and my avatar waved cheerfully… and stuck out like a freshly hatched turtle on a gleeming beach. I was promptly ignored.

I walked around the perimeter and stopped in front of a woman wearing a swash-buckling costume.

"Hi," I said, "Nice outfit."

"Thanks. I stole it from Captain Hook. He didn't seem to mind watching me try it on," she replied.

Holy shit… is she… I mean, am I picking up on her? My hands went clammy and all of those terrible high-school dances came floating out of my hippocampus like ghosts from a primitive age.

My wife, is upstairs sleeping, as are my children, and here I felt like I was sneaking out of the house to have an illicit affair. Do virtual liasons count against fidelity? Regardless, this small talk and virtual flirting was not worth it.

I'm sure it took about 3.2 seconds before people extended this posing ability to… uhm… er… interact with others in a… uhm… adult manner. And lured in by the chance of collecting virtual trinkets to adorn myself… I mean, my avatar, I ended up at "Neva's Naughty Emporium" (which, incidentally, has the best free accessories), and uhm… wandered into the nearby clubs there.

I didn't know that avatars could pole dance. I don't know what I'm looking for, but while interesting in a train-wreck sort of way, this was not it.

What would I like from this place? One day, after regretting that I would once again, not be attending a monthly user's group meeting, I realized that if we met virtually, then I could actually … well, perhaps, attend.

What clubs are available… well, there is a huge selection of those as well. Alright, we'll skip all of the skanky ones. Philosophy House. Sounds promising. I joined the club and teleported to their "grounds" … an idyllic land of stumps for sitting and a fire to illuminate.

A couple was already there.

"Excuse me," I said, "Is this a private conversation?"

"No, pull up a stump," an avatar with bright pink hair responded.

"Great," I replied, "For I have a question… If second life is suppose mimic real life, then why are there no virtual toilets?"

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	Tribute to Addie May Vegetarianism And Sat Down Beside Her ... Disengage Fertility Mechanism Intriguing Picture Oh those Life Phases Chatting with My Daughter 25 Random Things About Me Eulogy for Darol Read other entries in Personal...	Furthermore... Check out this interesting article on NPR. My Second Life Hi. My name is Howard, and I may develop a problem. I've been dabbling in Second Life for a couple of weeks, but I assure you, I haven't inhaled or drank the kool-aide, and I have not, I repeat, have not acquired a baby unicorn through the act of unlawful sexual relations with a well-endowed, adult unicorn. I guess my story is pretty typical. I heard Ira Flatow interview (on Science Friday) some psychologists about the self identification with avatars and other intriguing issues surrounding Second Life, and I must admit, I was intrigued. Oh sure, I had heard about this phenomenon, and certainly could relate, on account of me being an old MUDder myself.†† MUD was the original Second Life games, but without the graphics. You built the world and the game by describing things in text. But with the demise of the American attention span, MUDs were soon abandoned along with all of our books So, I installed the client, created my avatar and logged in. The first thing is to play around and figure out the interface and "twink" your character. You can specify how sunken your eyes are and whether your ear lobes are attached or dangling. Interesting. Still, if a virtual anvil was to land on his animated head, I'm pretty sure I would just laugh. I don't identify with it that much. I mean, that avatar is hot. Ahem. Anyway… Next it was time to explore the world. Unlike most online games of this nature, the world was created by a bunch of paid geeks… no, this world is created by the players. First stop was to go to the place where "Science Friday" is performed at the "Science Museum", but I made a wrong turn and ended up in the "Star Trek Science Museum". What an amazing museum. Touching things gave you a "card" with information about it, but lots of things were actually interactive and at one point, I ended up with a tricorder. The next few hours were spent flying, teleporting and walking around some labors of love. Not only was the Dali-esque nature of free-form creation absorbing, but I'm a geek by nature, and spent my under-graduate work in 3D computer graphics, so I wanted to see how they "work the engine". Land, is to be walked on, but objects have a default ability of allowing you to sit on them, at which point, you can circle the camera around and take a picture of you perched on top of a skyscraper. But the "object" can override the "sit" function to allow a chaise lounge chair the ability to have you "stretch out" when you sit. Well, it didn't take long for people to create objects like a water slide that hurls your avatar into a pond of water, or pink and blue balls that get you to dance a tango. Of course, it takes two to tango, and I found my self, late at night, at a nightclub. On the dancefloor, I watched the avatars shake their virtual booties, and off the dancefloor, others watched. I wanted to get a better look at the "gesture scripting language" by having my avatar dance… but this isn't Leisure Suit Larry. These avatars are controlled by sweaty, farty people in meat-space. So I struck up a conversation with a diamond-encrusted women with gravity-defying breasts. I started with the "Hi" gesture, and my avatar waved cheerfully… and stuck out like a freshly hatched turtle on a gleeming beach. I was promptly ignored. I walked around the perimeter and stopped in front of a woman wearing a swash-buckling costume. "Hi," I said, "Nice outfit." "Thanks. I stole it from Captain Hook. He didn't seem to mind watching me try it on," she replied. Holy shit… is she… I mean, am I picking up on her? My hands went clammy and all of those terrible high-school dances came floating out of my hippocampus like ghosts from a primitive age. My wife, is upstairs sleeping, as are my children, and here I felt like I was sneaking out of the house to have an illicit affair. Do virtual liasons count against fidelity? Regardless, this small talk and virtual flirting was not worth it. I'm sure it took about 3.2 seconds before people extended this posing ability to… uhm… er… interact with others in a… uhm… adult manner. And lured in by the chance of collecting virtual trinkets to adorn myself… I mean, my avatar, I ended up at "Neva's Naughty Emporium" (which, incidentally, has the best free accessories), and uhm… wandered into the nearby clubs there. I didn't know that avatars could pole dance. I don't know what I'm looking for, but while interesting in a train-wreck sort of way, this was not it. What would I like from this place? One day, after regretting that I would once again, not be attending a monthly user's group meeting, I realized that if we met virtually, then I could actually … well, perhaps, attend. What clubs are available… well, there is a huge selection of those as well. Alright, we'll skip all of the skanky ones. Philosophy House. Sounds promising. I joined the club and teleported to their "grounds" … an idyllic land of stumps for sitting and a fire to illuminate. A couple was already there. "Excuse me," I said, "Is this a private conversation?" "No, pull up a stump," an avatar with bright pink hair responded. "Great," I replied, "For I have a question… If second life is suppose mimic real life, then why are there no virtual toilets?" Tell others about this article:
	2014, Howard Abrams Some rights reserved	Originally written on 21 October 2007. Updated on 8 February 2014.