Howardism Musings from my Awakening Dementia
My collected thoughts flamed by hubris
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And Sat Down Beside Her ...

Today I had some meetings in the morning, but since I have so much work to do, I figured that I would head home (as I get so much more work down in my distractionless den than at the office). My wife wanted me to pick up some stuff at the grocery store, but when I was actually at the store, she was no where around to give me the details … so this is a long story just to say that I decided to take a long needed coffee break.

But instead of going to closer St*rbucks (there seems to be one on every corner here in Portland), I decided to go the extra half-block to the local Ugly Mug instead.

Being the rare nice day, I parked myself in one of the ugly chairs outside with my … well, ugly mug (both of them to be exact). It was then that I noticed a very large spider had also decided to enjoy the nice day and had parked himself beforehand next to my seat … just above the table.

I like the bugs that spiders eat far less than the spiders, so I generally give them their space … but a large spider a foot away from my face brought some sort of primordial urges to fear, loathe, and kill this spider.

But I tried to calm myself down saying that he wasn't bothering me, as he was just perched on his web with no ill intentions towards me or my ugly mug that was only 11 inches away from those eight legs.

Alright, I'm being a bit melodramatic. Kinda.

But it got me thinking why … why hasn't anyone who sat here earlier killed this beast? Surely my primeval feelings are shared by others of my species. And by the way my fellow beings drive around me shouting obscenities, it is clear that while I may be in control of my baser instincts, others of my kind are not. Why didn't someone beat me to the deed?

But I also got to thinking that if I could, I would actually build webs for large spiders in such a way that I wouldn't run into them. Then they would pick up each of those annoying gnats and mosquitos from my yard. In this case, spiders really should be pets … cherished like the family dog or iguana.

In fact, I was thinking the owner of the Ugly Mug should put a little sign on its web that says, "I'm the Store's Pet … Don't swat me." It would be good for business … wouldn't it?

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