Howardism Musings from my Awakening Dementia
My collected thoughts flamed by hubris
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Homer: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal that gives us our three favorite foods…

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You should check out the cartoon "Cow and Chicken" sometime. THEY are NOT afraid of utters and make them very prominent figures in the cartoon! or udders - hmm - I don't know how to spell that. I should be working anyway!


Still Perfecting Nature

As I was waiting for the bus the other night, I noticed this advertisement for a dairy company. Now, I don't claim to pay much attention to ads plastered on the sides of buses, but something about this ad made me look twice. It was as if something was not quite right about it.

Darigold Winter 2001 Advertisement

Granted, I didn't have time to look at this ad for very long before the bus pulled away, but after a few minutes I realized what was wrong with it… They airbrushed the udders away! That's right, they gave poor bovine an artistic mastectomy.

On one hand this is fascinating… here is a company whose livelihood depends on those very cow udders that they removed. If we didn't consume their bovine teat secretions, they'd be out of business.

However, this is public relations and it isn't surprising at all.
I mean, when Gary Larson drew heifer mammory glands, it was funny, but can you imagine the questions parents would have to face if the cows, in such an anthropomorphic position, were to display their breasts with such prominence?

Another Darigold Advertisement

There may also be a more archtypical motive. We have always had a problem with nature in its raw form. We somehow, would like to improve it. As necessary as the maggots on the carcass and the bacteria in our colons are, we want to pretend that such "uncleanliness" doesn't exist. View a more pure form of the world… more to our imagination and ideals.

Most people would gaze with horror if I went into a pasture and massaged some cow boobies and filled up a glass of milk and offered up a drink. But this view is to be expected from a culture so distant from Nature and the nature of things.

I also think it would be funny if this picture of the cow and the hula-hoops was shakin' her big ol' tits back and forth… the ultimate milkshake.

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