Howardism Musings from my Awakening Dementia
My collected thoughts flamed by hubris
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How about "Jesus is Lard" That'll make new enemies quick!


God Bless and Pay For You

Every time I see a certain patriotic phrase peppered commercially on a personal vehicle or perched atop a $2.99 7-11 sign, I just have to misread it on purpose. I keep thinking that I too, should hop on the proverbial bandwagon and print my own version of these proclamations. I want it to read:

God Bless
Our Poops

First of all, I'm not sure if anyone would notice the slight letter alteration. I mean, like all good platitudes, the more you see it, the more you don't. Which is quite ironic … and in my case, may be quite saving.

For this brings up my second point. I'm really curious about people's reaction. Of course, everyone would claim I'm a cynic and unpatriotic. However, nothing could be further from the truth. I didn't want any harm to our troops or any other country's troops … I just wanted Providence's blessing in other, more immediate, ways.

Let's face it, a blessing of regularity is far more beneficial than the frivolous gesundheit that accompanies a sneeze. So maybe we should offer up a little wish and a prayer before we retire to the bathroom… I have an uncle who certainly does every time he has to pee. No, he's approaching 80, and if it was an STD, it probably would have killed him years ago. But I'm getting off topic.

The problem with a sign of this nature, is a sign is a pronouncement that goes one-way. The only response from this message on my bumper would be a honk. And then I would wonder if the person was honking in agreement, disagreement, or over the fact that I cut him off on the freeway.

So I am doing what all of my colleagues would do … I put it on my website, attach a little bit of dynamic web wizardry and allow random people to post comments. Not that anyone really does … but at least you all know that I meant well.

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